impossible.

I reflected a lot about whether or not I should write this. But, I am and I am because I am trying to remember why I started this blog, which is related to why I decided to create music again, which is related – but less directly so – to why I decided to take a series of photos. I am doing this because I want to, I think it’d be interesting to do, and it might even be important to someone, somewhere, somehow, someway. Even if it was just one person. I think sitting with how we are entangled is a reminder that one person is actually too many things to count. And while I am not going to say every person is an infinity in themselves (that would be to presume too much knowledge), I can most certainly say that each and every person is a multitude of entanglements that we have yet to find the proper means of overdetermining. The body-beings we are dance, in and out of every theory, like sand between the cracks in one’s fingers.

I’ve been thinking a lot about why I do the things that I do and I’m trying to reflect on that as much as I am trying to do more things. I think reflecting on the patterns in your behavior helps deal with the guilt of always wanting to be someone your not. Even if your desire is to be “better” … as mine are. This desire is a desperate and perhaps, necessary move to be someone your not. I think we’re all trying to be better, and a lot of us are confused about what that means and others of us are certain that we know what that means. The majority of us are wrong. But somebody’s right. I believe that somebody is right. It’s a bit of blind faith, but I guess I’ve never really stopped being a Christian in that regard. To believe in Truth in the 21st Century is a kind of Christian remainder. But, there was something honest in what Jesus was saying right? There was something in his words, his sermons, his actions, his presence that illuminated the entanglement and I find truth to be something like that. A bit of light in a dark place and the World is primarily a dark place. As mentioned before:

It turns out that roughly 68% of the universe is dark energy. Dark matter makes up about 27%. The rest – everything on Earth, everything ever observed with all of our instruments, all normal matter – adds up to less than 5% of the universe.

– NASA, “Dark Energy, Dark Matter”

What a World. What a beautifully black World. What a beautifully black and absurd World.

I am trying to practice being true to whatever it is that I am, whatever it is that we are, wherever it is that we are – on Earth, in the Cosmos, in the Galaxy on quarks and photons. I am hoping to capture a glimpse at truth. Either within myself or in the World – and I mean World in the most material way, in the sense of the multiplicitous threads which binds the Universe together in a non-deterministic, radically contingent way. What I mean by World is that thread which keeps continuity apparent which seldom makes apparent that contiguous appearance does not have to occur. Anything is possible within the terms and conditions of the possible at least until the possible is expanded and the impossible is brought back into the terms and conditions of the possible.

So I am trying to do impossible things and I found the most impossible thing for me to do was to be true to myself because what am I? Human? Black? Man? Nothingness? There are so many words. There are so many things. I am an impossibility. So, as my Father always says, “Do you.” This blog is an attempt to do me. You can sit in on that if you’d like, but I hope to try and not worry myself too much about your presence and yet, I know I will.